After 22 years of living, I’ve discovered I have big feet. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I know I must explain why it took me 22 years to discover the second part of that statement. I live in a world where being small is accepted and welcomed by men and being larger and taller is not looked on too well. In this world, I sought to be like the norm, short, thin, with small feet, but I never was. And I never will be. So my whole life I tried shrinking myself to fit in. I would literally try to hide at my towering height back in school, I’d prefer shoes that made my feet look smaller, even though my feet were still the same size. I liked clothing that made me look “skinny” and didn’t show my “rolls”.
That was the type of girl I wanted to be. The norm. But as I was standing at the bus stop the other day with my size 12 M combat boots on, feeling cute as ever. I first had a thought of “these shoes are huge, I’ll get talked about.” Then the second thought came abruptly “Well my feet are huge, and I don’t care. I have big feet, always have, and there’s nothing I can do about it. There’s nothing I want to do about it.”
I have big thighs and a not so flat tummy, I’m working on those things, though. I no longer wish to be skinny or “thin” but I do want to not have rolls or a “muffin top” So I’m currently, horribly, working on getting in shape while keeping my curves. And that day at the bus stop I had this huge revelation about my life. I am who I am. There are some things I can change (weight) and some things I can’t (foot size), and I have to accept myself. All of myself. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the even uglier. I am on this road to loving me, all of me. I am about 6 feet tall and I’m a whole lotta woman as Foxy Cleopatra would say. It’s so liberating to just accept yourself for who you are and no longer hold yourself up to these ridiculous expectations that you will never meet. Now I’m not saying that I won’t challenge myself. Everyday is a challenge for me these days. What I am saying is that I will do the serenity prayer. Accept the things I can’t change and change the things I can’t accept.
Be easy Tumblr.
Big foot Keiunna signing off. <3