This is a poem I wrote quite some time ago. I decided to post it here. It’s real, the feelings in it are mine, how I feel, sometimes.
It’s called “Untitled”.
As the tears stream down my face,
I can’t help but be thankful for Your grace,
Though I don’t feel you today,
I’ll always know that You’re here to stay,
No matter what the world says,
You’re the reason for my existence
The reason that I sing,
The reason for everything,
My life, my love, my all
I know You’ll never let me fall
Don’t wanna question what’s already settled
But this world can have me so disheveled
I barely hear You say “Here I am, come to me my child”
My mind has gone off and went wild
My heart longs for You,
But the things that I run to,
Could never compare to or replace You
Why do I do the things I do?
Aren’t you enough?
Aren’t you my all in all?
Won’t you wipe every tear from my eye?
Won’t they never dry?
Companionship is what I long for,
What I seek,
But the wrong is what I get,
The right I often forget
Aren’t you tired of me?
Doing this and hurting You?
Doesn’t it hurt?
Isn’t it absurd of You to still love me after so many betrayals?
How can you stand me?
Don’t you hate me?
Anyone else would
But then I remember you’re not everyone else, You’re You, God.
THE God. The ONE TRUE GOD.
The one who will never tire of me
Just the thought of that is unfathomable.
I can’t take it, it’s too complex for my elementary mind
Why would you love me enough to die for me?
Why would you love any of us enough to die for that matter?
BECAUSE you’re God. You could easily destroy us all, but Your love remains.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
One life that’s all I am, right now I can barely stand. Tenth Avenue North
Really hits my feelings right on the head most of the time.
It’s as if Mike and me have the same mind somehow.
I love You Father, and appreciate all that You do, at least I want to. I should. I will.
You’re so indescribable. That song sums it all up for me.
Even in my saddest/weakest moments You hold me with an arm so strong I can’t help but bend
And admit what I feel and release the tears that I’ve been trying to hold for so long.
I DON’T have to hold it together. I CAN let it out and be freed from my inner demons.
I love you so much and yet I run to others when I should be running to You
Why? It’s what I’m used to. I’m used to sucking the life out of people for my own selfish benefit.
And if they won’t let me suck on them anymore, I get hurt, or a better word, mad. But mostly hurt.
I’m much softer than everyone thinks that I am.
I love you. I love you. I love you. Isn’t that enough?
I must love obey and cherish You. Since you are my bridegroom and I your bride.
This is a marriage, a commitment. Communication is needed on a daily basis more than once.